Day Seventy-One.

"The great source of both the misery and disorders of human life, seems to arise from over-rating the difference between one permanent situation and another. Avarice over-rates the difference between poverty and riches: ambition, that between a private and a public station: vain-glory, that between obscurity and extensive reputation. The person under the influence of any of those extravagant passions, is not only miserable in his actual situation, but is often disposed to disturb the peace of society, in order to arrive at that which he so foolishly admires. The slightest observation, however, might satisfy him, that, in all the ordinary situations of human life, a well-disposed mind may be equally calm, equally cheerful, and equally contented. Some of those situations may, no doubt, deserve to be preferred to others: but none of them can deserve to be pursued with that passionate ardour which drives us to violate the rules either of prudence or of justice; or to corrupt the future tranquillity of our minds, either by shame from the remembrance of our own folly, or by remorse from the horror of our own injustice." -Adam Smith

I can not articulate how much this experience has changed my life. Today is day seventy-one, but I feel much more than only seventy-one days the wiser. My mind has expanded with the possibilities, both real and synthetic, of happiness, hope, and plans for the future. I am humbled by the sheer greatness of life itself, and am growing ever more conscious of how I choose to live it. This is more than just an opportunity; this opportunity changes everything I have ever known about life and humanity. Growing up on a farm in rural West Virginia did not exactly expose me to a variety of cultures, but it prepared me for life in other ways. I have a deep love for nature, family, and friendship. My mother taught me to respect my elders and give credit where it is due; my teachers worked over hours to explain topics that interested me. My friends were kind and selfless and taught me lessons that neither my mother or teachers could. Every lesson was valuable in itself, but nothing, it seems, prepared me for this literal tearing down and rebuilding of my 'self'. This then raises the question: If my 'self' is new, a different 'self', then who is the old 'self'? Can we each be simultaneously one and multiple selves? If not, then what have you to do with the memories, thoughts, and feelings of the old? If so, then what keeps us from reverting to our old selves, thus causing the paradox that we have not created a new self at all, but rather a new layer to our old selves like putting a new layer of paint on an old house. But truly, am I still the small child that sat in my father's hand as he lifted me into the air? Am I still the teenage girl who melted into the church pew at her best friend's funeral? Am I still the same naïve girl who stepped off of the airplane only seventy-one days ago? Or am I only those people in my memories? When I close my eyes to dream, how can I adequately re-experience my memories if I am observing them from a different angle and point of view?

What I do know is this: satori seems a little far off, but I have found my own epiphany on life and will continue to strive for understanding. I am here for one reason, and many reasons all at once. I have my own personal agenda and one that was handed to me the day I was born. I do not plan to forsake either in this journey. Life is beautiful. Thank you to everyone whom I have recently and not so recently met that have brought me to this point--my past teachers, and current muses alike. Adam Smith also stated that we should never complain of that which it is at all times in our power to change. Life is so much more amazing when you let go of the trivial things and just realize that, through second guessing every action one has ever made, one is constantly reliving the past instead of actively participating in creating the future. My time of walking backwards and seeing everything in retrospect is over.

Hello, beautiful World. Happy Easter.